Microsoft Invades Cuba
Microsoft's plan to invade cuba and overthrow the government has succeeded. One Microsoft official said "It's a win-win situation. The US Government is happy and shuts up the DOJ while Microsoft institutes a monopoly within Cuba for everything from computer software to toilet paper. One more step closer to world domination. Heck, we could feed a whole development department for the cost of one developer's salary in the US. They may not know how to create an Operating System very well, but neither do our US developers."

Microsoft Monkey Colony on Mars
Microsoft has announced that a team of monkeys will be shot into space in 2005 to establish the first Martian Colony. At a recent press conference, Bill Gates confirmed, "We are already training the monkeys to do simple tasks like reboot the space ship when it blue screens. The space vehicle will be running our newest product, SpacePod 2004. This product will instruct the monkeys how to colonize Mars and establish trade with the Martians. We intend to monopolize this market before Human travel to Mars is possible."

MS Linux to have Start Button
Microsoft is working to incorporate the well known "Start" button from the Windows Platform into X Windows' Gnome interface. "We just can't figure out how the hell to get that darn foot out of there! The damn thing is like stuck." The team will have this feature ready by product launch.

MS Linux Faces Competition
Microsoft has hired lawyers to attack it's own product line in an attempt to confuse the DOJ. This stunning new tactic shows great promise according to several Harvard Law professors, although many expressed confusion when questioned about the long term effects of this campaign.